I thought it was end.

hai blog.
ingatkah kau dengan seseorang yang dulu selalu aku sebut-sebut namanya disini?
seseorang yang selalu aku ceritakan disini, dari awal aku mengenalnya sampai kemudian kami benar-benar tak berkomunikasi lagi?
aku pikir dia sudah benar-benar pergi. dari realita, dari hidupku, dari social network ku, dari otak ku, dari hatiku.

apalagi setelah orang itu datang. yang awalnya kupikir hanya seorang sahabat. dan ternyata dia menjadi berbeda daripada itu. dan pada akhirnya dia pun juga menyakiti dan pergi. sungguh sejak kepergiannya, aku sulit untuk percaya lagi dengan mahluk bernama laki-laki.

namun tiba-tiba pikiran tentang dia, muncul lagi.
aku sudah pernah merasa bahagia karena akhirnya aku benar-benar tidak menggubrisnya. aku benar-benar merelakan dia pergi dan aku sudah tidak mengharapkan dia kembali. aku sudah move on.
tapi aku kecewa setelah sahabat yang salah memilih status itu menyakiti ku. aku merasa aku tidak pernah dihargai. sungguh. setelah kekecewaan ku dan aku telah menyumpah untuk tidak mudah percaya pada laki-laki lagi, pikiran tentang dia justru kembali menghantui.

untuk dia yang disana, aku tak tahu mengapa kau begitu sulit dimatikan? aku ingin menikmati hidup ku saat ini tanpa harus terbayang-bayang dirimu. dirimu sudah jauh disana. aku sudah melepasnya. kenapa kau datang lagi?

dan untuk seorang sahabat yang menyakiti. aku memang salah. seharusnya aku tahu kalau kita lebih dari sahabat semuanya akan berbeda. dan hai sahabat, tahu kah kau? ketika aku bersama mu aku sudah benar-benar menyerahkan hatiku. aku mempercayakannya padamu. aku benar-benar tak memiliki harapan lagi pada dia. aku sungguh-sungguh melepasnya untuk dirimu. tapi kenapa? kau mengecewakan, kau membuatku sakit lebih dari yang dia pernah lakukan padaku. ketika namanya mulai terganti oleh ceritamu, aku benar-benar berpikir ini sudah selesai. 13 bulan ku sudah selesai. ternyata justru kau lah yang membuatku terbayang dirinya lagi.

ketika aku benar-benar tak bisa percaya oleh laki-laki, kenapa aku masih memberikan hati dan pikiranku untuk dia?

Girl in Paris

It was a dark stormy night. I was walking slowly on a slippery road. With my black umbrella, I walk alone along the Avenue des Champ Elysees. Today is my failed anniversary with Claire. I’m so sad that I can’t loose her as fast as she looses me.  I tried to not think about her anymore but it was difficult. Actually, I almost forgot about this day till I met her with a boy walking in front of my office this afternoon.  My plan to go home is canceled. I decided to went to Le Queen and drank some Champagne Cocktail, my favorite wine. It was 2 A.M when I arrived in my apartment. I’m drunk that night, but I still realized that someone left a message with blue box beside it. With very sleepy eyes, I tried to read and understand the message. I’m shocked saw who’s the sender. It was from Claire. I turned on the lamp and read the message seriously.

My dear Jacques,

Did you remember this date? I’m so sorry about this. But I want to give you this thing. I have prepared this from few days ago special for our anniversary. But it was different now. I haven’t believe that we’re not together anymore. Jacques if I may say something to you, I just want to say ‘I miss you’. You know? My life without you is different. Leon is never be like you. I admit that you’re still better than him. Yeah but I know that life must go on right? I hope you’re happy with this gift. Hope to see you soon J

Love, Claire.

I got mad. Don’t know why I hate this very much. I just back from night clubbing to refresh my mind but now? Look what she has done to me. I know that the gift is my favorite book, the third book from Dan Brown, The Lost Symbol. After I opened the gift, that’s true. Claire is always easy to predict.

*Alarm Beeping* “God please what time is this I’m very sleepy!” I said with my eyes still half closed. “God please… this is already 8! And I haven’t done anything to went to work” I realized that I must be very late to went work this morning. So I decided to called Jim, my work partner. I said that I got bad fever so I can’t went work today. I woke up from my bed and started think, ‘what will I do today?’. I need something refreshing. Not clubbing or drunk like last night, I decided to walk around Paris by my self. This city has many great museums and landscapes and I almost forgot that. I only thought about works and works. So I went to bathroom, took a bath quickly, get dressed, took my camera and my small backpack. Yes today I will walk around Paris alone. Forget about Claire and my annoying boss in office.

First place I visited is Jardin des Tuileres. I look around, searching for great object to captured. Then I saw a girl with long hair sat alone in one of some bench in this garden. She used pink headphones, read a book. She was beautiful with her long hair, pointed nose and white skin. It seems that she wasn’t French. It seems like she was Asians. So I approached and sat beside her. I screwed up courage to talked with her.

“Pardon, are you alone?” I asked. And she just nodded. “Bonjour ma fille, don’t I disturb you if I’m sitting here?” I asked her again with smile on my lips. Finally she turned to me and answered, “It’s okay, don’t worry” she smiled back to me. She was beautiful. And now I’m sure that she wasn’t French. “Hm, so what’s your name?” I reached out my hand. “Louise, and you?”

“I’m Jacques” I answered with smile again. Then I talked with her. Since then I knew that she’s Japanesse. Her mother is from Japan but her father is French. And she was worked in florist near my office. Today she said that she got fever so she didn’t went to work. How can it’s same with me? I thought. I didn’t realized that I chat with her almost one hour. Then I said that today I want to walk around Paris, I offered her to go with me and she’s agreed. So, I continued my trip went to Musee du Louvre.  I saw great paintings there but actually I don’t really like it because I don’t understand. But different with Louise, she seems knew all about the paintings. After went to Musee du Louvre, we went to Tour Eiffel. Because it’s weekdays so the queue isn’t too long. We went to the top of Eiffel and I captured so many photos.

Then we went to Notre Dame, Sacre Coeur, Arc de Triomphe, played on Disneyland, I accompanied her bought some books, then we went to Champ de Mars. We went around Seine river by batobus. In batobus, I saw Louis. Now almost 9 hours I walked around Paris with her. A girl that I met in garden this morning. She looks different now. Not like first time I saw her read book this morning. She looks sad and terrible. Now, she looks excited and happy. I’m glad to know that. After went around Seine River, we sat down on Champ de Mars grass. It was getting dark and Eiffel’s light started illuminating Paris, la ville lumiere. Suddenly, Louis talked. “Jacques, did you know how it feels when you broke up with someone that you really love?”

“Yes, I know it. That’s hurt. Really hurt”

“Hm that is it. That’s why this morning I looks so terrible. I just broke up with my boyfriend. He was my first boyfriend. His name is Leon. Leon was a nice boy till I know that he had another girl in his life. I regret it”

What? Leon? It’s Leon that Claire mentioned in her message? Did he was Louise ex?

I wanted to asked Louise about it but… never mind. Now Louis was asleep in my shoulder. Sat down in 

Champ de Mars, in front of Eiffel lights :)

To be continued…