I did.... and She will not do...

"But she wears short skirts, I wear T-shirts
She's Cheer Captain and I'm on the bleachers
Dreaming about the day when you wake up and find
That what you're looking for has been here the whole time"

that feeling... when you like a boy who like popular girl, while you're not popular at all.

she's almost perfect.

pretty, rich, smart, popular, can have whatever she wants.

she's the figure of real high school girls.

and I... maybe looks nerdy and I like many things that most of girls didn't like.

I prefer sit in front of computer than go shopping in the mall.

when I went to mall, I prefer to stayed in bookstore or play pump than look-around new branded fashion.

She will not wait a bus for hour just to go home.
She will not use dirty white sneakers to go to school.
She will not talk and laugh as loud as I did.
She will not take a city trip alone by bus.
She will not let her hair mess along the day.
She will not keep silent if suddenly there's pimples and blackheads in her face.
She will not retweeting @NASA's tweets.
She will not play boy's game.
She will not deal with cables, connection, software and hardware.
She will not addicted with a country as much as I did.
She will not get any problems if she want have a trip or vacation.
She will not get lost with backpack.

and you know? I did all the things She will not do.
I bet she live comfortably, without found a real big problem. I mean problem like transportation, money, physical appearance, and nice stuffs.

I did the things that popular girls didn't.
she just prettier, smarter, richer, more popular.
a sporty-cool-boy like you maybe need a girl like her.
not nerdy-adventurous girl like me.

you know? sometimes I just wanna change myself.
to be the girly one, to do the things like many high school girls do.
but I just can't. I can't enjoy my life like that.
I'm here, find many difficulties and feel so unwanted when I see a girl like her.



but in the end,
I'm just proud of myself. what I used to be. my adventure, the barriers in front of me.
maybe I'm not as pretty as her, but I'm here the miss independent :D

I believe that God gave me more lessons from pains and troubles which come to me o:)

before math test?

hi. I'm a lost blogger.

well seharusnya malam ini aku bukan ada di page new post di blog, harusnya aku duduk tenang di meja belajar, pegang buku matematika dan serius belajar buat ulangan besok. tapi yah... sekali lagi aku benci mengakui kalau ternyata aku merasa sedih tiba-tiba. dan aku lagi maaaaales curhat di twitter, menuhin TL orang.

sedih itu nggak dosa. sedih itu nggak bayar. tapi sedih itu nggak enak. apalagi sedih disaat besoknya kamu ada ulangan matematika. matematika. errrr iyaaa matematika. (entahlah aku gak pernah bisa santai sama pelajaran yang satu ini)

kalau aku liat namamu, entah kenapa rasanya kok masih amburadul ya? apalagi liat namamu setelah aku curhat sesuatu tentang kamu. antara sedih, kecewa, marah, nyesel, dan perasaan nggak enak lainnya. sebenernya kamu itu apa sih? sebenernya kita itu apa? sahabat? partner? atau... stranger?

dear you, sebetulnya sesuatu menyakitkan yang kau buat kemarin itu benar-benar jadi pelajaran untukku. bahkan nggak tau kenapa rasanya aku sekarang ini lagi mraktekin pelajaran itu. sakitnya iya, tapi nggak se amburadul dulu, karena saking kagetnya aku ketika tahu kamu itu kaya gitu, aku bingung mau galau kaya apa.

tapi yang jelas, ketakutanku dari awal memang terjadi. ketika aku masih menganggap dirimu partner tapi, aku nggak tau kok kayaknya aku invisible di matamu? maaf kalau aku mengada-ada dan terlalu negative thinking. tapi inilah yang sering terlintas ketika lihat kau dan teman-temanmu bahagia. tanpa aku. sedikitpun.

yang buat tulisan malam ini lebih menye lagi adalah sekarang hujan dan aku dengerin Judika - Bukan dia Tapi Aku. astaga itu lagu... asal kamu tau... nyeritain aku banget. errrr -_-

okay blog. maaf mlipir sebentar dari buku matematika. lagi pingin curhat yang kaya gini. bye.