For almost 20 years.

22 Jan, 2016.
this is a flashback story from a girl who feel never listened... for about 20 years.

she... idk is she a good girl or not. but for now I bet she's the most annoying and selfish girl ever.
her biggest goals isn't to have iphone 6, wearing branded fashion or eating something special everyday.

her life goal is just to be... listened.
and to talk with her parents.

she grows up stress about school and grades. she should always be in the big three in class.
then what she get after being 1st, 2nd, or 3rd in class?
just a regular sentence "ya memang harusnya begitu".

she wonders how about her friends who get a "naik kelas" present. and how about her. ok, she's not the type of person who wants a repayment.
she just wanna get appreciated.
6 years in elementary and she always ended up fever whenever exam comes.
not bad.
her struggle bring her to one of the best junior high school in the city.

in her new junior high, she's worry because she's just an uptown girl. no not westlife song. mean, she lives in upper part of the city, in periphery. not central. just suburban, not urban. she has to spend about 45min-1 hour for going to school. and 1h for going home.
but its not about the distance.
its about her confidence to compete and interact with ppl from greatest elementary school in town. and what about her? she's just...

fortunately, she survived. survived from terrible mathematics "minimum grade", survived from some bullying and many other happy or even terrible things she had in school. without telling anyone. cs, she knows her story means nothing and who will listen? that's what makes her become very active twitter user. yup just like the other depressed girl out there, only have internet to share.

even it looks not really good, but she loves her junior high school so much. she got some amazing friends she never forget till now. some of them stayed and she's just... love them so much.
till the time she graduate and have to enter senior high,
she came to one of best senior high school in the city too.the best one, the place where (almost all) of her best friends from junior high going here.
andd she's rejected. she has to go to another school, the other best. but one place that she actually hate. compete in here just feel harder than in her junior high.
idk she has to act like everything's fine but actually she living first one year on this school without her mind here too.

she hates to pretend when interacting with others. she hates too much pencitraan.
well she admit she's just not pretty, simple and she has nothing. her life goal is just to graduate from here as soon as possible. she wasn't thinking about finding a guy.. wait, haha finding a guy?
she's understand once again, what's her compare to that hundreds popular and beautiful girls in her senior high. she just nothing.
she don't even want to join any extracurricular if that thing don't affect score.
but there's also other luck, she meet one great friend here. this girl is the reason she can enjoy the first year in this high school. they were same. they have same dreams, they experienced same things and hurt feelings. they so excited about adventurous things. they planned to hike mountain, to travel the world. everyday they talk about travel and travel on the way school and home. they just same.
and till now, they're till the same. even they're apart for about 5.000+ km, she still need this girl so bad.

in the second years of her high school, she meet a boy. she doesn't interest at all, firstly. she know he's not the type of guy who want a girl like her. it's like she's on the bleacher and his favourite girl is cheer captain.
but once again it's out of her expectation. he can make her eyes open to the beautiful moments of senior high school. he take her out from her desperation, telling she's an unpopular girl, not pretty and blablabla. briefly, this boy mean so much to her. just very much.

the last, she's so fortunate that she could graduate well and enter college easily.
she knows that's just what her parents want.
and she feels like she has did anything to make her parents proud with good grades and good school.

but who knows, for almost 20 years she couldn't tell anything to her parents.
she live her life on the internet. she's just like girl online, telling everything on the internet because she had no idea whom she can share her life story.
even yes, she has some best friend that she believe.
then she trusts other cause she feel like no one listening when she's home.

she has bunch of dreams she haven't reach. she really wants to be a traveller. it's actually her highest level of success. because it's her happiness.
but some people don't understand there's different about pleasure and happiness.
pleasure is to have a good food, to wear a nice clothes and etc. maybe for other, that's food, clothes, money etc is happiness.

but for her, it's just pleasure.
she wants to catch her happiness. it had nothing to do with the boy she's in love in high school.
she wants to be a traveller since she's on the 9th grade of junior high school.
so early before she even know the boy.

in her studies, urban and regional planning,
she's taught to see a problem not only by one perspective. what make a city wealth, or what make a city bad isn't only from their economy. there are plenty of factors that can make a city become poor or wealth, comfort or not, and etc,

so does if she had a problem. if something wrong goes to her, it's not only because one factor.
it's not only about boy,

then what should we do to know what factor that really matter about that problem?
in her studies, she taught about knowing the problems, state a goal, collecting data, and analysis.

how if problem happen to someone?
then do collect data and analysis. and how to collect data? talk to them
the point is to understand what really happen. not predict, but find facts and reality.
those facts and realities will lead you to the root problems.

and then how you know what happen to her if you never collect that data?
how will you know if you never talk to her.
you never listen what's on her mind.
for almost 20 years.